The Art of Healing

Healthy Relationships with Dr. Seleena Smith

February 14, 2022 Charlyce Davis
The Art of Healing
Healthy Relationships with Dr. Seleena Smith
Show Notes Transcript

Happy Valentine’s Day!  

I hope you're feeling the love!


How are your relationships?  Not just your marriage or romance, how are your relationships with your parents? Your kids? Your friends? Your Coworkers?


Please join me for the first guest of  2022 on the Art of Healing Podcast!  Dr. Seleena Smith.  Dr. Smith is a mother, healer and psychologist who offers REAL Liberation Coaching and Consultation Services (Restore, Empower, Align, and Love) and is  focused on helping her community heal. She strives to help high functioning clients find liberation and joy in their lives in a discrete, nonjudgmental, and safe space, while also helping them to reach their personal and professional goals.


Find Dr. Smith here:

www.realliberation.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/realliberationcoaching/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realliberationcoaching/

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/realliberation1

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/seleena-smith-ph-d-83318356/

n this episode we dig deep into four major relationships in our lives.  Let’s talk about how our relationships affect our minds, body and spirit.

  • Can you define healthy relationships?
    • Healthy Parent/child?  How do you balance the power dynamics between child and parent to raise empowered children?
    • Healthy Romance/spouse/life partner? Can you create “Space for grace” ?  
    • Healthy Friendships?  Do your friendships allow the “space for grace” and allow for growth?
    • Healthy Coworker?  Do you feel a foundation of trust and do you show up in a trustworthy manner at work?
  • What effect do relationships have on our mood?
  • Share your tips for how we can show up better in our relationships
  • Finally, please help us identify unhealthy, damaging patterns

Let’s make Valentine’s Day about love, all the love!



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Speaker 1:

Hello listeners. Thank you so much for joining me for today's very special episode. I am joined by a special guest who I am so honored to have Dr. Salina Smith is a mother, an advocate, a nurturer, a lover, a warrior, a healer, and a teacher. She originally comes from San Marco, Texas. She is a very highly educated and highly trained therapist. She has received her master's degree from Howard, and she has also received her PhD in counseling and psychology from the University of Oklahoma. She has now opened her own practice, which is offering extremely unique services, including coaching services for life and relationship. And she can be found@realliberation.com. I would definitely recommend you check her out if you are interested in making your life and your relationships better. Dr. Salina is joining me to discuss our relationships and our health, and I'm so happy for this episode. Enjoy.

Speaker 2:

All right.

Speaker 1:

All right, Dr. Salina, thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Art Healing Podcast. Listeners, this is so special to have her expertise with us today. Um, I really wanna talk about relationships. So of course this is, uh, February, and it's like Valentine's Day. I saw people all in love or whatever. I mean, I'm not in love with anyone, but I know a lot of you are feeling all the love. But I want Dr. Selena to offer some of her guidance and wisdom with us. So, Dr. Sing, if you just wanna briefly introduce yourself to the listeners.

Speaker 2:

All right. Um, thank you for having me, Dr. Davis. It's, um, an honor and a privilege to be, um, on this podcast with you. And so thank you for all your support and everything, um, as I embark on this new adventure. Um, so my name is Dr. Salina Smith. Um, so I met Dr. Davis. Oh, when was it? Maybe 2014? It was maybe

Speaker 1:

Probably 2014.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Um, I was on a hunt for, um, a physician. And so it was really important for me that I found a physician who looked like me because I had had some not so great experiences with physicians. And so I remember the, when I first met you, it was like, this is my tribe. This is where I need to be<laugh>. Oh, gosh. So, yeah, you see me through a whole lot of different things. But, um, I am a, um, life and relationship coach. Um, my training is in counseling psychology. So I have my PhD in counseling psychology that I received in 2013 from the University of Oklahoma. Um, and prior to that I attended Howard University for my bachelor's and my master's degrees. Um, way back, I started in, say I graduated in 2002 with my bachelor's, and then I was forward with my master's. Um, and so I worked in a variety of different settings, community mental health. Um, I've taught at the University of Oklahoma in the African American Studies program. Um, I've worked in a women's prison here in Oklahoma. I currently, um, have my own practice. Um, but prior to that I was working with the va, the VA hospital. So I've done a little bit of everything. I've done nonprofit work and everything I feel like has kind of led me to where I am today. All of those experiences. So my passion is helping people, helping people heal, um, especially with, with regard to their mental health. So that's what I love to do and that's what I've been blessed to be able to do.

Speaker 1:

Listeners, I'm gonna be frank, I try to stay humble, but I have amazing patients. Oh. I mean, I'm, it's just everything in me to just keep from just bye. But I have known Dr. Ele for many years, and I've watched her transform in ways that are beyond description. I've watched her transform, um, in just amazing ways. So I don't wanna brag too much. Cause I mean, that is, I am bragging. Let me just, I am bragging, but have amazing

Speaker 2:

Play. Huge role. Yes. Especially when I first met you, I think I was working in women's presence. I was You were down in them trenches. I was, you were<laugh> working. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what, that was one of my, my most fulfilling and rewarding jobs ever. As rough as like, I think about them every day. I still miss them. The women in the prison Yeah. That I had to deal with. So, yeah. So I, I'm blessed to know you.

Speaker 1:

I am so lucky that, um, you are able to share your time and expertise with me on a topic that I don't really get much to, much time to devote to as a physician in a reiki master. I can talk to my clients and my patients about relationships, but honestly, it's pretty difficult cuz it's, it's not my expertise. A it really is my expertise. I can diagnose clinical things, but you know, when it comes down to it are the health of our relationships, it represents our health. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. Um, my, I've shared with my listeners and my readers that I've recently been working on becoming certified in lifestyle medicine, and there's six main tenants of lifestyle medicine. One of those are relationships, the health of the relationships. So since I've got Dr. Selena, I wanted to ask her to define for us healthy relationships in a few different scenarios. So Dr. Selena, let's start with what does a healthy parent child relationship look like, especially for you being a young mother. Um, can you describe what that would look like for us?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So, um, as you mentioned, I am a mother. I have a, a three year old daughter who keeps me on my toes, um,<laugh> to say the least. Um, and so, you know, even before I had her, I wanted to be very intentional about the kind of relationship that I built with her from, from the very beginning. Um, and so when I think about parent child relationships and healthy ones, um, one of the first things I think about is transparency. Um, you know, I don't think I can recall often growing up having parents who, um, we're transparent and pretty open about just their own, you know, mistakes. You know, I made a mistake, I'm sorry, something as basic as that. Right? You know, some days I have a more challenging days and I may be a little shorter with my daughter. And so, um, it's really important to me to have those conversations. Like, Hey, mommy, didn't mean to talk to you like that, or Mommy didn't, you know, mommy was listening to you. Even if it didn't seem like I was, um, mommy's sorry. You know? So I think being able to admit your humanness and let your your children see those, those aspects of who you are, um, having a voice, allowing your child to have a voice and have opinions and have feelings in validating those experiences, um, I think is important in a a parent child relationship. Um, and I think something that goes across the board, no matter what kind of relationship we're talking about, is making sure that people feel heard and seen and valued. Um, I know a lot of times, um, you know, there's that saying that children are, what is it meant to be seen and not heard seen? Yeah. Um, and I feel like that mindset is very damaging because it can affect the child's development and their sense of sense of worth and and value. And so, um, I think with the parent child relationship, you know, there is a, a dynamic of power, right? So the parent does kind of have that, um, care taking role and also, you know, protecting your child from harm and danger. But also I think it's important that a child knows that you as a parent can learn from them. They have something to offer you. And so, um, I feel like my daughter's constantly teaching me things and I'm letting her know that she's teaching me something new. Um, and just, you know, love a space where people can heal and make, make mistakes. Um, and I feel like again, that goes across the board, you know, and just any kind of healthy relationship, giving people space to be human and, and make mistakes and, you know, recover and be forgiven. And, you know, just giving people grace. You know, kids have rough days, Lord knows they have rough days,<laugh>. But, you know, not holding it against them, you know, not withholding love or affection because, you know, they may be having a moment, um, is important because they need to know that their love no matter what, whether they're having a rough day or not. So those are the kind of things that I feel like are important in that, um, parent child relationship to help them grow and to be healthy individuals that have healthy relationships outside of the parent child relationship.

Speaker 1:

That is so cool. Especially, um, you mentioned that, you know, that the power dynamic, so it's important for children to know that you are seen and heard. Um, so of course this is the month of love and romantic love. So how does Dr. Ele define healthy romances, healthy partnerships, um, healthy marriages? I don't wanna give it too many titles, cuz a lot of people will be in some form of that sort of, right, right. Non platonic, romantic love mm-hmm.<affirmative>, how would you define that?

Speaker 2:

Um, so I think a lot of those things ring true that I name for the parent child dynamic as well, right? So making sure that your, your partner feels heard and seen and valued and affirmed. Um, even if you don't understand them, even if you don't agree with them, there's still value to whatever they're bringing. There's value to their perspectives, um, to their opinions and things like that. So, um, making people feel valued, um, and loved creating a space for healing because we're all flawed. We all have different, you know, forms of trauma that we've experienced. Um, and so providing space for people to heal, to have a corrective emotional experience. So, you know, throughout your life people haven't really shown up for you. So you may have a hard time asking for help. Um, hopefully in that romantic relationship they can ask for help and experience somebody showing up for them actually. Or if they're unable to, to show up in that moment. Being able to have a conversation about what's going on, why they can't show up for you, because people can't show up for you all the time. That's just what it is, but it's how it's handled. Um, I think being able to work through disconnection, so part of being in a true relationship with anyone, you're gonna have moments of disconnection, but I think it's how you work through those moments that really matters. Um, and being able to move past them. So being, creating a space where you can disagree, where you can get mad at one another, like, I feel like if you're not able to do those, you don't really have a true relationship of any kind if you can't have those ugly moments. Um, and again, like I said, the space for grace, um, openness I think is important. Flexibility, um, and allowing people to be who they are, you know, not who they, who you expect them to be, who you want them to be, but allowing people to truly be who they are and still, uh, feel worthy of, of your love and affection. So again, not withholding any of that because you may feel some kind of way about them or what they've done. Um, yeah. And being able to bring your true self too. So, you know, having a voice, feeling empowered, feeling encouraged and supported. I feel like those are all important parts of a healthy, um, partnership for sure.

Speaker 1:

So cool. Especially, um, you know, during these times of years, like the holidays and during Valentine's Day, a lot of our stereotypical, um, images of relationships, they get boiled down to like, I just want the ring and the big engagement and the da da da. And that, when you think about, that's like really stressful. Like it is,

Speaker 2:

It is. And I'm a big fan of creating a relationship that works for the people involved. Like, so, you know, gender roles or just those expectations that maybe society place on who a person should be in a relationship. I feel like if you're able to leave a lot of those behind and just build something that works for you and your partner, then you know, it'll work for you and your partner. But if you try to, you know, do what society says we should be or who we should be in relationships, then you're setting yourself up for some problems, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Another type of relationship that, um, I don't know, maybe this gets talked about more than I think about, but, um, our friendships. Our friendships. So how do you, how do you define healthy friendships?

Speaker 2:

You know, I don't think friendships, um, especially as we get older, I don't think we talk about those enough because those relationships can be, are just as important for our wellbeing. Um, but also, you know, like the loss of those friendships, especially, you know, if you outgrow each other or you know, just things happen, you know, the grief that comes with losing those relationships can be just as profound if not more than losing a family member. But we don't really talk about those things. Um, so again, I feel like a lot of the things I said before, um, apply for to healthier friendships as well. You know, in fact, I think friendship is kind of foundational to a healthy partnership. And so I think, I don't think there's too many differences when I think about it, um, except maybe the intimacy. But I still feel like in friendships we have intimacy may look differently, but especially, you know, you know, speaking from my perspective, I feel like, uh, friendships with women, you know, female to female, um, relationships, friendships are so healing and so therapeutic, um, in a way that is hard to explain, you know? But I just feel like, you know, being able, we have so many shared experiences as women, um, and so having a space where you can actually like, take off the mask and, you know, be bare and you know, bear it all and have somebody who's right there in it with you who gets it, um, is one of the most healing things ever. And so I'm a huge proponent of, of good friendships, like, especially with my girls. Like, we can talk about anything, we can go any length of time without talking. And I feel like that's a big part of a good friendship is that you don't take things personally. Like, so if we go a couple of months without talking, or even, you know, life sometimes happens where you might go a year or so without talking, you can pick right back up where you left off as if nothing happened because nobody's taking things personally. Everybody has life going on. And so you understand, like, people may not always be able to answer the phone, people may not always be able to text you right back. Um, sometimes people forget to text you back. It's not personal. People have a lot of things going on, especially I feel like in this season right now, there's a lot of a lot of stuff going on in people's lives. And so you, you have compassion and again, that word grace again, you show people grace because you know, people are really doing the best that they can and they look different from day to day, from week to week. Ultimately, people are doing the best they can. And so if you have that compassion and that grace and, you know, giving people the benefit of the doubt in your life, usually they're, it's not that they've forgotten about you, they just have stuff going on and they're trying to juggle everything. Um, and so I feel like those are important components of our friendship as well. You know, you disagree, you may go some time without talking, but life will show you like what's really important. And it's like, you know what, okay, it's not that serious. You're good. I love you an important part of my life. Um, so I feel like yeah, friendships are foundational to me.

Speaker 1:

So, um, and it's is, as you're saying this, I'm thinking so much how, um, I don't really get the opportunity with my own patients to reflect on these relationships. And what's interesting is by the time they're coming in to see me, that is the background that's like mm-hmm.<affirmative>, it is the, it has run the show up until they walk into the exam room in the right. You know, but the way it's, you know, discuss it, it just, you know, it just gets swept away. But, um, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And I don't think we realize how important they are, you know, like if you think about it from the moment you come into the, into the world, into this earth, like relationships are what sustains us, our relationship with our caregiver, our, our mom, you know, like those attachments and those relationships are what helps us get through life. And so if you have any kind of disconnect or any kind of fragmentation in one of these relationships that's really pivotal, really important to you, you can feel like your whole world is, is falling apart, truly.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah. So from, from your experience in working with your patients, um, how, how does that show up if someone has one of these major relationships affected? Um, how does it show up in their world when you're working with, with your patients?

Speaker 2:

Oh gosh. It can show up in the form of, you know, like some clinical terms first. So depression, anxiety, right? Um, if you're feeling disconnected or if you're having a major, um, disconnect in your life with somebody who's important, I mean, that can take the wind outta yourselves, that can affect your ability to get out of bed from day to day. That can affect your appetite, that can affect your, your, um, ability to focus on stuff. And you may not even put it together, right? But you just know that you're feeling like a profound sense of loss and emptiness. Um, let's say you're having, you're going through a breakup or just one of you and one of your best friends are, are at odds and just not talking. Um, it can affect your ability to sleep. It could make you wanna sleep too much. Um, it can affect your alcohol intake, your substance use. Um, it could make you wanna withdraw from people altogether and not even be around people. Um, it can make you angry, it can make you irritable. It, it manifests in all of those different kinds of ways. It can make you clingy and not want to let go of some of the people who are close to you because you're just so afraid of, of abandonment or loss. And so, yeah, it, it's crazy how it can affect everything. It can affect, you know, your weight, you've experienced hair loss cuz of the stress. Just all kinds of things that you may not even connect to that, but it's all grief ultimately.

Speaker 1:

There was one other relationship type I forgot to ask you about, if you don't mind if we circle back to this one. Not at all. Can you describe healthy coworker relationships? I totally missed that one. Sorry.

Speaker 2:

It's can tricky, right? Because you spend a lot of time with these people, especially if you're still going into the office, right? A lot of people, um, are back in the office now. And so when you think about it, you're spending a big part of your, your week with these people. Um, and so I feel like feeling heard and seen and valued and feeling like you have a voice, feeling like you matter. Um, I feel like trust is an important piece of it. And it may not be necessarily trusting someone with your deep dark stuff, but just the fact that I trust you to be who you present yourself to be, you know, you know, and I feel like sometimes in some work environments that can get tricky where you don't feel safe enough because you don't know who's who and who you can really trust and who really has your best interests at heart. Um, and so I feel like that authenticity and that trust is important in your, your coworker relationships too. Like your supervisors, like I trust them to do what they say they're going to do, or, you know, vouch for me to say, you know, you know. So I think all of that's important, trust, um, and even I think trusting that people will show up for you, right? So some days you may not be your best, but trusting that they're not gonna throw you under the bus or do something to try to harm your standing in the company or wherever you work. Um, so I feel like trust is a huge part of a coworker relationship for sure. Um, and it's up to you how much of them you give to yourself, but I do feel like if you don't have trust or safety, then that, that, that's a sha that can be a shak relationship for sure.

Speaker 1:

So, um, and this is, this is sort of a broad question, but I think for the listeners, Ian, as I'm listening, um, and I'm thinking about all of these relationships in my own life mm-hmm.<affirmative>, and I'm thinking about which ones as you describe them, fit that description, like, oh, good, sounds healthy, and which one of these relationships, like, oh,<laugh>, that needs some work, um,<laugh>, oh, that's a, that's a little tragic, um,<laugh>. But, um, so with your advice, your knowledge base, um, can you help me help the listeners help us figure out what we can do to show up better on our end? Um, because as you're describing this, and the theme that I'm catching on is that, um, in these relationships between me and the other, me and the other mm-hmm.<affirmative>, there's a part that's mine mm-hmm.<affirmative> and I, I know. So I'm not seeking to control the other person's part mm-hmm.<affirmative>, it's the part that's mine. So how can I show up better in my relationships?

Speaker 2:

Well, I think all of those things that we desire right from other people, we should bring those to the table, right? So with the people, for example, your friends, show them compassion, show them grace, um, allow them to be human. Create a space where they do feel safe to be vulnerable and take off their mask and just kind of be, um, creating a space where people don't feel judged, um, where people feel loved and accepted for who they are. Um, and it also takes you taking risks, right? Like you want people to take a chance on you, um, and give you a chance to show up for them, but you've also gotta put yourself out there, which for me is a hard thing.<laugh>. Like, I don't, I will show up for people day and night, but for me to like allow people to have to show, that's hard for me, and I can be completely transparent about that. But it takes you taking risks too and allowing people to show up for you and show you, showing them that you trust them, uh, with an important part of who you are, which is your heart, right? Like, so that's tricky. That's hard. And it also is risky because they can let you down, but how do you work through those moments when they do let you down, when they don't show up for you? But also being aware that if something is happening too consistently, like somebody not showing up for you or somebody, um, doing things that feel, um, like they can't be trusted, you have to pay attention to those things too. Because, you know, we definitely have opportunities to see red flags or see that people aren't necessarily maybe the healthiest for or in the healthy space in that season. So, um, paying attention to that, you have to pay attention to that because otherwise you're setting yourself up to be hurt over and over again. So yeah. Red flags, right?

Speaker 1:

So that, that brings me to something that, um, is for the listeners and, and I hope you, you all get the sense as well that having Dr. Selena here, this is so valuable because, um, you know, we focus so much on the physical body and the physical symptoms, and we in, you know, in our, you know, medical practice and our, in American society, we just totally attempt to override this part of it. Dr. Se a really common thing I see in my patients, a really com and again, as we are talking about this, I'm like, we just never go here. But a really common appointment for Dr. Davis is the same day appointment for someone who is having, um, chest pain and extremely high blood pressure. And so you come in, you come in, you know, we're doing all this stuff, we gotta make sure I have a heart attack. And then just within a 32nd clip, or 32nd little bit, they'll come in about, um, how to fight with my spouse, had a disagreement with my spouse last night. Now in my role, that part never even gets documented because I gotta make sure they're not having a heart attack or a stroke. Right?

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

But, um, that's, you know, really common theme, like, you know, the high blood pressure, chest pain, fight with the spouse mm-hmm.<affirmative> mm-hmm.<affirmative>, um, you know, having a lot of physical symptoms and it turns out loss of relationship. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. Um, so, and I think, if you don't mind, let's circle back through it. So let's say, um, how, how would you say that? Like, if we have an unhealthy,

Speaker 2:

Let's, let's, let's be transparent, right? You can use,

Speaker 1:

Oh, let's be transparent. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2:

Yeah. You can an example, let's use the beginning of this year. Wanna go?

Speaker 1:

Oh my. Well, so for the, so of course I, I, I have a, a little disclaimer with Dr. Selena, although, you know, I would be frank if I'm gonna say anything about you, what it's gonna be is that I made a prediction about you. Uh, we, we did some energy work together and, um, I am pleased this can be that this young woman is glowing, she's shining, she has embraced her light. I mean, really, that's what I think when I look at<laugh>, you have few blood pressure issues, but your blood pressure issues cause you were on the verge of where you, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And so that's what you made me think about is just that space I was in at the beginning of the year where my blood pressure was high and you were running all these tests, right? Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, let's see, the end of January, I contracted Covid, right? Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And so I was down for over two weeks. Right. I feel like I was six longer than two weeks. But, um, so me and my daughter had to quarantine together. I was sick. She never tested positive, no signs, no anything. That's right. Yeah. I was like sick, sick, trying to take care of her. And, um,<laugh> make sure I stayed alive, like Covid was rough. So I looked through that, um, in January and into February. Then a couple weeks later I went through a breakup with my boyfriend mm-hmm.<affirmative>, which was unexpected. And we had been together for a while, but we had history, right? So we grad, we, we dated in college and then we reconnected, um, last year. So we were dating and it was pretty serious. So then we broke up outta nowhere. Um, and then what else did I have had a stressful job? Cause I, working the VA with veterans, um, and specifically I was working with, um, veterans in rural Oklahoma. And this was during the time a lot of stuff was going on in the country, politically. Right? So I was dealing with a lot of

Speaker 1:

Your, your workload was increasing. Yeah. And you had no, you had no control over that, you know, your workload was building and you were not allowed any control.

Speaker 2:

No control. And then I was dealing with a lot of, you know, microaggressions were being thrown at me during sessions. And so I'm sitting with that and trying to be therapeutic with people. Um, and so I'm having blood pressure issues, surprised. And, you know, you did with, you did all the exams and tests and everything, and everything was showing up. Okay. Checking out just fine. Right. My blood work, everything. Um, and I have a therapist as well. So Dr. Davis and my therapist were both saying, like, Selena, look at what you've been through these past several months. Like, I remember you said, like, you tell, tell, tell everything as if it's just like a story or something you're reading off, you know, out of a book. And yeah, I was so disconnected from everything, but I had a lot of loss, a lot of, you know, trauma, a lot of just different things that I just wasn't even dealing with. I wasn't even slowing down to think about those things because who has time? Who has time to really process anything? Who has time to heal when you got a job and a child? And, you know, just trying to get through, get through each day. Um, but yeah, you made me slow down and just think and process any, like, experience the emotions that I should have felt with all of those other things that I just did not allow myself to slow down the feel. And so in

Speaker 1:

This particular case Yeah, in your particular case, and, um, it, it, this was easy to do with you, um, because you're open because of who you are, and then you're also very empowered. You take charge, um, you know, when someone's developing high blood pressure, this is gonna be a luxury we may or may not have depending on what's going on. But when it was becoming apparent, your blood pressure was, you know, staying elevated, we, you were open to having the discussion and you understood that with so many things going, being head of household, a professional woman working in one of the most stressful fields in the most stressful time, in a very stressful setting mm-hmm.<affirmative> having a major loss on your own mm-hmm.<affirmative>, all of those things adding up, um, you know, typically the story would probably end up where someone, we wouldn't really have that, that, um, that luxury. We wouldn't have that space to mm-hmm.<affirmative> to dig and say, Hey, what's going on with you? Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, we would probably have to move to just medications mm-hmm.<affirmative> to prevent sickness. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. Um, yeah. Yeah. But so it was, I mean, with you it was, we were able to to delve in there, but you're exactly right as you went through it. Um, now I'll be frank, as you were going through it, I wasn't that woke or wise, I just didn't want you have to go medicine, stay on it. Yeah. Yeah.<laugh>, I mean, you fixed yourself. Cause

Speaker 2:

A lot of doctors wouldn't do that. A lot of doctors would just put me on the highest dose or whatever and keep it moving. But we were both pretty clear about not wanting to be on a super strong medication for a long period of time, like mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So I think a lot of that was you, um, slowing me down and talking to me and also being very, um, what's the word? Conservative in how we approached it. Like you weren't pushing medication and, you know. Yeah. So I think that was a big part of you as well in your approach to how you treat, um, your patients.

Speaker 1:

Awe, thank you,<laugh>. Thank you<laugh>. Thank you so much. Um, I still, I still brag on you, but thank you<laugh>. Thank you so much.<laugh>. That's what thank, you're

Speaker 2:

Amazing. I mean, that's important part of the story. My story is that I feel like you've always, even when I was struggling, um, in my work as a prison, youth slowed me down to really pay attention to, and the stuff, just how stressful my environment is, like mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you know, I'm used to just going through it. Like, okay, this is what I do. I go to work, you know, working a prison. I'm in prison every day to the next running a mental health unit. So, you know, I didn't, I was tired, I was exhausted, but I thought it was just, if I was working a lot,

Speaker 1:

My

Speaker 2:

Mood was affected. I was anxious and depressed and sleep disrupted and all of that. And I just,

Speaker 1:

As, as we are talking and I'm realizing how I'm, I really plan to obligate Dr. Selena to come back. Cause she has so much knowledge. But you touch on a topic that, um, will, will have to, I've, I've touched on this with other guests before, the toll of working with humans mm-hmm.<affirmative>, um, and what it does to us, and mm-hmm. I know, and I actually, I think of you frequently because you have worked in prisons mm-hmm.<affirmative> and you've, you've worked in the most stressful environments. Mm-hmm. Um, what does that do to a person where you're so necessary mm-hmm.<affirmative>, but these are humans you're working with where, you know, there's story you, you want to help, but there's forces so much bigger

Speaker 2:

Energy is real. Yeah. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And especially, you know, wanting, so I feel like my purpose, or part of my, I feel like part of my purpose is being a light for people, you know, and especially dark places. And so when you're going into a place that, and I don't care what anybody says, I feel like a prison is a place of darkness. Like, yes, they are supposed to rehabilitate and supposed to, you know, help people get on their feet and, but that's not truly what it is. You know, it creates a dependency and people are actually scared to leave because they just feel ill-equipped to, to survive outside of it, you know, the prison. Um, and so when you're trying to pour life and love and positivity and the people who have been just beat down and told that they don't matter and treated as if they don't matter, um, that energy, you're, you're fighting against some pretty powerful energy and that, that if you don't have people around you pouring that love and light back into you, it can really, really, really be dangerous. I think. And I saw it firsthand from some, a lot of the people who worked there who didn't have that, it can be very dangerous.

Speaker 1:

So, Dr.

Speaker 2:

Sorry,

Speaker 1:

<laugh>. No, no, you're fine. I, I wanna make sure to let the listeners know that although they're, um, meeting you, um, through me for the first time that you've gotta practice, you've got a thriving practice and you're also on social media. Yeah. So can you share with the listeners how they can find

Speaker 2:

You? Yeah, absolutely. Gosh. And so kind of been talking to you, this is what we do. We talk and then I'll lose track. So yes, I, um, I have a, a business called Real Liberation Coaching and Consultation Services and Real is an acronym. Um, stands for Restore and Power, align and Love. Um, and I feel like all of those different pieces are important and healing, you know, restoration and feeling empowered, feeling aligned in your purpose and being loved, feeling loved, being able to give love. Um, and so I offer life coaching, relationship coaching, um, consultation services for organizations and businesses or, um, even individuals who are trying to, um, become better at what they do. Um, and I'm doing all this with, of course, the background, mental health background. Um, but I've been trained in and also just I feel like, uh, life coaching allows me to be more accessible to a lot of people. So made that, that shift recently. Um, and so you can find me at on online. My website is www liberation.com. Um, my Facebook is real liberation, um, coaching consultation services. Um, I think, let's see, Instagram is real liberation at Real liberation. Yeah. I should have been ready for this<laugh> No, you're fine.

Speaker 1:

If you listen to the podcast, I will make sure you have all of Dr. Sal's information. If you sign up for my newsletter, you will actually get a link to watch this video on YouTube as well to listen to the podcast. I will make sure you know exactly how to reach Dr. Salina. She does have, um, a nice service where you can connect with her initially, but I would definitely check out her website. Um, I think that what she is offering is very powerful. She's going beyond our traditional behavioral health services. And, uh, to me is the insurance into the next, the best version of mm-hmm.<affirmative> of who you wanna become. So Dr. Selena, thank you so much. I really hope you'll come back to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely know I love talking with you. And however I can help you and you listening, I'll be more than happy to. That's what I'm here for, to help. So yeah, hopefully I didn't ramble too much.

Speaker 1:

<laugh>. Oh my gosh, this was perfect. Dr. Selena, thank you so much. Oh, this was perfect. Thank you. Art of Healing podcast listeners, thank you so much for joining us. We'll connect next week. Check your show notes wherever you're listening. We are on Google podcast. We are on Apple Podcast. You can stream this episode of healing arts health and wellness.com. I will make sure you know exactly how to find Dr. Salina. Thank you so much. I forgot until next week.

Speaker 2:

All of my sessions are virtual, so you can live anywhere. Like you don't have to be right here where we are. Um, I don't have to do face to face. I offer virtual services for

Speaker 1:

Anyone. She is worldwide as

Speaker 2:

Well.<laugh>.

Speaker 1:

Thank you Dr. Ele,

Speaker 2:

You for having me.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2:

All right.

Speaker 1:

All right. Dr. Salina, thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Art of Healing Podcast Listeners. This is so special to have her expertise with us today. Um, I really wanna talk about relationships. So of course this is, uh, February and it's like Valentine's Day. I saw people all in love or whatever. I mean, I'm not love with anyone, but I know a lot of you are feeling all the love. But I want Dr. Selena to offer some of her guidance and wisdom with us. So, Dr. Sing, if you just wanna briefly introduce yourself to the listeners.

Speaker 2:

All right. Um, thank you for having me, Dr. Davis. It's, um, an honor and a privilege to be, um, on this podcast with you. And so thank you for all your support and everything, um, as I embark on this new adventure. Um, so my name is Dr. Salina Smith. Um, so I met Dr. Davis. Ooh, when was it? Maybe 2014? It was maybe

Speaker 1:

20, probably 2014.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah. Um, I was on a hunt for, um, a physician. And so it was really important to me that I've found a physician who looked like me. Cause I had had some not so great experiences with physicians. And so I remember the, when first met you, it was like, Ugh, this is my tribe. This is where I need to be.<laugh>. Oh, gosh. So yeah, you see me through a whole lot of different things. But, um, I am a, um, life and relationship coach. Um, my training is in counseling psychology. So I have my PhD in counseling psychology that I received in 2013 from the University of Oklahoma. Um, and prior to that I attended Howard University for my bachelor's and my master's degrees. Um, way back, I started in, say I graduated in 2002 with my bachelor's, and then I forward with my masters. Um, and so I've worked in a variety of different settings, community mental health. Um, I've taught at the University of Oklahoma in African American Studies program. Um, I've worked in a women's prison here in Oklahoma. I currently, um, have my own practice. Um, but prior to that I was working with the va, the VA hospital. So I've done a little bit of everything. I've done non-profit work and everything I feel like has kind of led me to where I am today. All of those experiences. So my passion is helping people, helping people heal, um, especially with the, with regard to their mental health. So that's what I love to do and that's what I've been blessed to be able to do.

Speaker 1:

Listeners, I'm gonna be frank, I try to stay humble, but I have amazing patience. My, and I mean, I'm, it's just everything in me.